The Value of Stability

The new year is my most sentimental time of year.  And for a fairly sentimental person (some may scoff at “fairly”), that’s a whole lot of sentiment.

Stability As A Tool

I’m not good with constant change and for someone who’s seen so much of it, that can be viewed as a surprise. I read this line a few weeks ago:

“Like lawyers, writers need consistency.”

Not much to it, but I like coming across others in the world who understand the writerly need for consistency in place, routine, support.

Writerlyness

So many people imagine writers as this chaotic bunch.  Drinking whisky into the late darkness and early twilight.  Following whims and getting by page after page after relentless page.  It’s all a myth of course, with relatively few exceptions.

  • Writers are disciplined.
  • Most writers write in the morning.
  • Most writers have known chaos, and use their recognition to channel their words in a healthier present.

I am fascinated by a writer’s positive, learned habits and residual understanding of chaos in all its forms – cyclic anti-self actions, addiction, powerful words, movement, obsession, guilt, blame, relatedness, grief in all respects and reasons.

When you understand chaos, i.e. your (someone’s) whims as whims, you can better see the need for stability.  To be above chaos not in a controlling manner, but in a distant, “crystallize a moment” way.

Foundational Understanding

I often hash out a thought of mine without regarding it as a personal opinion.  It is easy to make connections and see where thoughts go, without agreeing with the thought on a deep or personal level.  I do not take pleasure in the rationale or thought proofs. People change their minds everyday in small ways and big- with a beam of light through the shades or the death of a loved one.

I take pleasure in expounding the thought because I relish the process. The foundation being built. How it all came to be.  I do not hold to the belief itself, but why it exists and continues to exist.  I expand connections concocting familiarity, until I can file them away for a character of mine- a piece of myself (human), without the character being myself or my beliefs.

Belief Systems and Attachment

Part of defining beliefs is defining the unnecessary attachment of beliefs to person.

Who you are is not your opinion or intelligence.  Whether you are a liberal or a conservative.  Whether you are a left brain or right.  How many people define themselves by their ever changing and evolving actions/beliefs/IQ/thinking type?

Philosophy versus Opinion

For me, definition comes through personal philosophies.  Modes of living – codes of behavior and priority.  As a new year comes, I reassess my alignment with my self.  My goals and focuses.  I have my major goal outlined for the year, with regular checks and balances.  I set myself up for success, although it is of course, never guaranteed.  I leave room for circumstance not in my outline for goal fulfillment (that doesn’t make sense), but in my understanding that I cannot control everything.  I detach myself enough from my ego, so I do not ever become a “failure” or have room to shut down.  Again, there are tools incorporated into this structure in the event of “unsuccess,” so at least I am in a solid headspace.

From my diary?

All this mumbo jumbo to say, 2014 was a trying year, but it was also incredible.  I learned so much, I feel like I grew up more in that year than any other, and now, I am okay.

Looking forward to 2015, I can’t help but smile.  I once organized chunks of my personal living into categories.  I called the list, “My Little Corner of the World.”  The categories were variables, string variables, constants and anchor.

Another List

I do not want to be too revealing into what fit into the categories, but a sampling would look as follows:

Variables: places, cars, banks, gyms, work (etc, etc)

String Variables: Friends, Routines (etc, etc)

Constants: Reading, Writing, Exercise, Attachment/Detachment (etc, etc)

Anchor: ____ :)

After all the hardship, the back and forth, the inconsistencies, I have more constants.  A constant in place and work.  I haven’t felt consistency in a “home” for so long, and now I have that. I have my space and my mountains.

Anchorship

More than constants, I have an anchor.  And without getting all mushy, it is an incredible feeling/knowing to have found your someone. That person with aligning philosophies, values and reference points. That person who has read all the authors no one ever regarded in your bringing them up. The person who not only has similar “beliefs,” but codes.  Who understands your code enough to challenge you in ways that bring growth.  The person who you were “fine” without, but are forever empty without, upon having met.

us2014

Overview

While timetables are figments, and few really feel the difference of another birthday or another year, they are also milestones. This has been a satisfying milestone.  I am at peace with where I have come from, the residue I still deal with.  At the same time, I have never been so happy or satisfied with my right now as a dictator of my future.

last 10 yeara

Write your thoughts. Be kind & play nice.
  1. Laura says:

    So happy for you my beautiful Erin!!

    Reply

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